Calmness in the Storm

Trying to find calmness in the storm, somedays are filled with peace, and other days filled with pain.  Having your life snatched out from under you, having love ripped from your heart, and family that you thought you would never have.  Seeing their faces and hearing their voices in your head.  Knowing that you can not reach out and touch or hold them.  If only you knew what you were about to loose, you would just snatch that up and hold on so tight, you would never let go.  Why would the person who loves you take everything you have and tell you that your never allowed to look back.