gains and losses

I have been spending alot of time writing about my feelings about my relationship with my husband. Today I was coming home from Florence and had lots of thoughts about me and him.  I know that he is done with our relationship and to some degree I understand why.  I am secretly hoping that he will change his mind one day.  Like most things in life it will take effort.  He believes our relationship will never be the same and that I will never let him live down the affair.  There are few things that I have thought of in this matter.  He cant expect me to forget about her when he has not.  I am also going to get counseling so that I can put it behind me.  This will help me but it could help us if he would let it.  Also relationships can never be the same from the starting point once someone has betrayed you.  However if you make the efforts and scarfices that it takes to change things your relationship will become stronger.  I believe this with all my heart it shows that person cares and is willing to make things right.  Life is based in the choices you make.  Sometimes we make bad ones or dumb ones.  It's what you take from it that makes you a better person. 

Yesrerday when I got off work I went to Florence for a friends birthday party.  I felt like an outcast.  I have nothing in common with 98% of hte people who were there.  The house it was looked like it belonged in a musem.  I was afraid to touch anything.  All the people there are obssesed with money and materlistic items.  It made me sad bc they do not see the world for it's beauty and peace.  On the way home today from the party it was made me realize that I have lost time that I can not replace. I thought of things that my husband and I would really enjoy doing together.  Unfortunatly my close minded self has waited to late.=( 
I am going to take some time off from work and just go somewhere.  It will bring me peace and hapiness.  I will have to please no one but my self.  I am very excited to do this.  I really enjoyed my car ride today for many reasons.  I had lots of time to think, there was no clock to show me the time, no cell phone to ring.  I feel in love with my husband's jeep today.  If he happens to read this, thank you for the oppurtinuty.